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she kills me. so fucking pathetic. quite possibly more pathetic than myself. i wasted an afternoon sitting in the mall foodcourt drinking a not-so-great latte listening to cedar tell me all about her problem with amanda, her maybe/maybenot girlfriend. "i mean, we both like each other and i really want to be in a relationship but neither of us wants to get hurt or hurt each other." need i comment? did i really need to hear about my best friend's sexual encounters with the butch but in complete denial about it chick who drives a big pick up truck and listens to nothing but country music, knowing full well that both of them used to be madly in love with me before deciding to resort to each other. do i think amanda is good for cedar? c'mon. she wears overalls and has no appreciation for argyle. but maybe they'd be good together considering cedar's i'm-a-second-generation-butch-except-when-i-wear-a-skirt-lesbian-hippie-who-thinks-i'm-cool-cuz-i-eat-organic-food-once-a-week-and-pretend-like-i'm-a-vegetarian-and-want-to-join-the-military identity complex. but honestly. they both make me a little nauseous and i don't really want to know about what goes on between them. am i resentful? in all honesty, a little bit. i want to be the center of cedar's attention and am only willing to surrender that position to someone whom i deem worthy (amanda obviously doesn't qualify) it would be really nice if someone loved me and then i would be offered some sort of distraction from all the crap that goes on with my stupid friends. someday i'll associate with people that don't completely confound and frustrate me.
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