mom is stressed again so she's on one of her manic must-get-rid -of-all-of-the-pets kicks. she's convinced that our dog is a liability because he's going to run away and get hit by a car and then they'll sue us and take us "for everything we're worth" (which essentially is jackshit)

dad's laying the guilt trip about how he's defending us and telling mom that he's no tgoing to get rid of the dog. but it's not about the fucking dog-- i hate the dog. it's about the fact that our mother is a certain degree of psychotic.

i don't think that this many people were meant to live in close quarters. how the hell do polygomous families manage? we have eight kids in our family, but compared to tom green's (not the mtv one) 29 kids, that's nothing.

i'm tired.

as of today, i've been working at my job for a year. so that means i get a quarter raise or something and maybe a card from our cunt manager. if i was really sentimental, i would say that the greatest reward was completely intrinsic-- it's good to know that you can be loyal and consistent. i think i'm the only one of my friends who has worked at the same place consistently for at least a year. everybody else kind of alternates between seasonal and fast food. except for cedar, who works when she needs money and then quits when she's saved up enough to last her for awhile. dork.

tomorrow's the ani concert and i'm really glad that i'm going with my sister. of course, we're getting there about four hours early so we can get upfront.

i let cedar decide what i should wear because she still has an incredible amount of power over me. and because what she suggested was probably what i would have worn anyway.

she told me that she had given up on amanda because she knew it wouldn't work out. she told me that it wouldn't work out two months ago but still kept screwing around with her. what a waste of time.

i have one lyric-- not even the whole thing-- from a bitch and animal song that i can't even remember the name of playing over and over in my head . . . "are you thirsty? are you tired?"

i almost hit mark, the beautiful he-creature that i work with and have lined up as my future sperm donor although he doesn't know it yet- with my car. i think i'm sort of in love with him. that's an incredibly taboo thing-- lesbians who fall in love with men. but i'm not questioning my sexuality. i'm still i big dyke. i've simply developed a rather sexually charged obsession with the future father of my children. if julie cypher can be with melissa etheridge for however many years (it was a pretty long time) and still be straight, then i think i'm allowed to have a crush on mark.

maybe this is just what happens when girls of my persuasion are in short supply. (don't get me wrong. there are lesbians around me, but i'm rather disgusted by all of them) it's kind of like being in prison, i suppose. people need to be loved and when they can't find their ideal candidate, they go to the next best thing. mark is kind of my next best thing. because what i really want sure as hell hasn't changed-- a righteous little butch punk lesbian with good hair and a really feminine name who always wears baggy pants and hoodies. [moan]

megan is convinced that she has found the perfect girl for me. she's some chick megan works with with spiky pink hair and a really tight body and lots of piercings. except she's straight.

i'd like to know how that qualifies as perfect.

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