very, very lonely.

i feel like a little puppy looks.

sad.

and i'm cuddly like a little puppy too and kind of cute . . .

and intelligent, creative, mellow, funny, empathetic . . .

i'm running out of adjectives. maybe i'm not as worthy of love as i think.

i've been told before that i was a really good kisser, but that was by a man who was not and who went on to live in a trailor with a chick with a mullet (actually, they had matching mullets) so i'm not sure how credible that comment is. i'm not sure i should have even admitted to having kissed that type of person. but it was only ten days. he was my boy experiment. he told me once that he thought about me every night as he jacked off and as i heaved at the thought, i knew i could only handle girls.

but i'm digressing . . .

and i'm not even horny. horniness plagues my life like rain. it comes and then it goes. and sometimes there's a rainy season, but you get out the vibrating umbrella and your life keeps going.

but lonliness is like being a forgotten sweater, constantly being nibbled by moths. and i could protect myself from the moths by breaking out the moth balls, but then i'd just smell.

i think the guy that i work with that i've chosen as my future sperm donor has developed an affinity for me. which is fine on rainy days, but not for dealing with the moths.

i just want a sweet smelling, soft lady that i can melt into, and just cuddle, just sleep. i want someone to ride around in my car with, lay on the couch on saturday afternoon and watch a movie, take a nap, run my fingers through her hair, kiss the tip of her nose, hold her hand.

i'd even bake her cookies.

but i don't have anybody and i don't see anyone who presents any potential.

my life sounds like janis joplin.

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