we're tearing through dante's inferno right now in lit class. i really feel sorry for the idiots that take this book seriously. i think it's the most absurdly hilarious thing that i've ever read in my life. and i am naturally obsessed with the part of the seventh circle and the punishment for all of us homos: running around naked in a desert of burning sand with fire raining down on us. can you picture a whole shitload of flamy gay boys being scorched in the deserts of hell? all of them screeching omigod and running limp-wristed. and then all of the bitter, cynical dykes rolling their eyes and yelling at the boys everytime they bitch about how hot it is. queer kids on fire. maybe i'm the only person capable of viewing eternal damnation as comical. i suppose that if i believed in eternal damnation, i'd feel a little differently. maybe if recite one of those prefab prayers that they have on the commercials for churches and shit, i win salvation (in less time than it takes to piss!)

you know, i'm making fun of it now and then i'll fucking die and open my eyes and i'll be in the middle of an eternal fiery rainstorm, forced to listen to karl squeal until judgement day or whatever the deal is with that (you know, for being a pastor's daughter, i sure don't know very much about this shit)

reading this book just makes me curious about whether or not people actually believe in hell. i guess that the whole concept of believing in god and heaven and hell and jesus and all of that other shit is just absurd to me. i can't get past thinking that i'm just a person alive because of cell division. and someday i'll die and then i'll be cremated (because what's the point of putting my body into a fancy box that take's up a lot of space and pumping my body full of chemicals that will only contaminate my grandchildren's drinking water?) and then that's it. just like any other animal. you live and then you die.

my father probably lies in bed every night wondering what he did wrong to end up with an athiest lesbian for a daughter.

"what if no one's watching? what if when we're dead we are just dead? i mean, what if god ain't looking down? what if he's looking up instead?"

-- from What If No One's Watching by ani difranco

*the title of this entry is also from ani, from her poem "my iq"

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