when you work on holidays, every other person comments on the fact that it sucks to have to work when you should be celebrating with your family. and i think that everyone who says something to that nature should be beaten because they're the reason that i have to fucking be there. jesus christ. it's fucking christmas eve. go home.

i cried a lot today. once because of some tv show i watched, once because i had to work and spend christmas eve alone, once when i read my special christmas note from my dad . . .

i'd really like to learn how to detatch and hold back the crying because i seem to be incredibly sensitive.

tomorrow i get to help my father wrap all of the five thousand presents for my siblings since we have to wait until friday to have christmas because somehow the non-custodial parents always get the kids for the holidays. and then after wrapping i'll probably watch the grinch three or four times with grace since i'm too lazy to find anything better to do. at some point during this lovely holiday break that i have i need to write my government paper on nationalism and my forensics speech on the seneca falls convention and finish candide and revise the really crappy paper that i wrote on hate crimes. it makes me exhausted just thinking about it.

lately i've developed an intense craving for pizza all of the time. it's all i want to eat. and the more that i think about it, i think that i've had pizza everyday since thursday and i think that i'm going to make myself some right now.

i've also noticed that i start to feel sick when i eat sweet stuff which is interesting considering that i normally eat a ton of candy on a daily basis and have not experienced this problem before.

a woman at church told me that i looked like i was losing weight. and i think she's right. but i think that it's due to malnutrition.

on a normal day, i don't eat breakfast and then have a bagel and a twix for lunch. and then if i have to work, i have a bag of chips for dinner. and if i don't work, i usually have ramen. sound healthy to you? i didn't think so. in fact, it sounds so unhealthy that i'm actually a little concerned, which in the context of me is pretty big.

maybe i should start taking vitamins or something.

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