i spent yesterday sleeping (woke up at 2:00, went to bed again at 3:30, woke up again at 5:30, and then went to bed again at 9:00) and in between my comas, i did nothing but eat ramen, drink tea and watch bad gay tv. needless to say, i feel much better now. no more emphesema hacking.

am i spelling emphesema right? i don't think so. it's too bad that i'm too damn lazy to look up the correct spelling.

but this bad gay tv that i caught (it was bizarre because i don't think i've ever faced so much gayness on television before) was the kind that is so bad that it makes you rather ashamed to be part of the gay community. first i watched skin deep on oxygen which is all about plastic surgery but the episode i saw was apparently queer themed. they had a gay guy that had liposuction done on his man-boobs and kept talking about how he just wanted to be the typical hot muscular gay guy. and then they showed all these clips of international male model look alikes holding hands and working out. gross. being a "typical" gay man sounds like an eternity of teenage-girldom to me. but maybe i'm missing something. then they also had this girl on their who was really cute with her little mohawk and her subtle canadian accent. and she was convinced that her ears were too big so she had them pinned back so that she could have a more "serious sexy" look. what the hell? and in the end, the surgery didn't make that big of a difference and she was kind of disappointed. so the show ended with her saying something to the effect of: i realize now that you can't tailor your body to be exactly how you want it. no shit, honey.

then i watched the episode of roseanne (which i watch only because i love darlene's sarcasm and bohemian clothes) where roseanne goes to the gay bar with sandra bernhardt. if you've seen it, you can understand my disgust. if that's what all lesbians were like, i would lead a completely celebate life. luckily, there are cuter girls with mohawks who only get on tv when they want to have pointless plastic surgery. (is that a redundant phrase?)

and then it was two reruns of will & grace, which is funny but not a show that i really enjoy. it's just . . . blaaaaaaah. and one of the episodes that i saw was the one where rosie o'donnell played the mother of jack's son. and rosie is just . . . blaaaaaah.

but despite her blahness, i actually sat through the majority of her e hollywood true story, although i had to keep channel surfing because it'd start to make me crazy after awhile. and every other comment that they had from friends and shit was from melissa fucking etheridge who i loathe. gross.

have you looked at the women who represent lesbians in the mainstream? melissa etheridge, kd lang, rosie o'donnell, ellen degenerous. jesus christ. i hate gay tv. and i hate karl for being excited about a prospective gay tv network.

and i now realize that i have wasted an entire entry talking about my gay tv trauma which is not even that traumatic. i'll try to finish with something a little more meaningful.

there was a cat living in our garage, so we decided to clean him up and take him in. and now all he does is eat until he vomits. so everywhere you turn in our house there is a little pile of barely digested cat food waiting at your feet.

okay. i tried to make it meaningful and it didn't work. i give up.

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