KARL: Who are you going out with now?

STUPID GIRL: ummmm, Ryan.

KARL: Who the hell is he? Is he hot? (That's all that matters, folks)

STUPID GIRL: Not really, but he's super-sweet. Look (shows three dollar bracelet) He bought me this for, like, no reason at all.

KARL: awwwww

ME: [heaving]

KARL: That guy in chemistry is so gay.

STUPID GIRL: No way. He's had a girlfriend for, like, a year or something.

KARL: Oh, he's gay. He carries a messenger bag and he has gay hair and he walks gay.

STUPID GIRL: hehehehehe. You're so cute.

ME: [the embarrassed representative of the intelligent gay community]

STUPID GIRL: omigawd. Like, did you here about that thing where there were, like, protests or something and, like, all these people were saying that, like, gay people were going to hell and stuff?

ME: (This is not new, sweetie.)

KARL: omigawd.

STUPID GIRL: Yeah, and me and Lindsey were, like, going ape and I said 'What if Karl were here? Like, how would he feel?'

KARL: awww. You thought of me?

ME: [twitching]

Then that girl finally left and another came to tell us all about her rich-kid spring break vacation that she'd be spending in Key Largo, baking in the sun and paying the locals to braid her white girl hair. Cedar finally came back and I thought I had been saved, until she decided to leave again for Ariel. And then Karl abandoned me for a group of cheerleaders and when I thought all hope was lost, Kim showed up, grabbed my ass a couple of times, and everything was better.

You know, if Kim were a lesbian, I think our lives would both be a lot easier.

Bridget is going on a rich-kid spring break vacation to Puerto Vallerta. And I was a bit disappointed because she doesn't seem like much of a beach girl and I don't want her to be. But not too diappointed because my obsession with her has apparently run it's course, which is nice because it was beginning to wear me out.

I forewent carribbean dream getaways and began my spring break at my place of employment, which is my own personal hell. I've really had about enough of this business of being a contributing member of society. I've got better shit to do. But apparently, I'm stuck in this and my only option is to try to later secure a more desirable job. But anyway, I had to deal with these two idiot girls who are out of high school, working an absolute minimum and sucking their parents dry and one of them managed to get out of work early by lying to our manager and then the other kept bitching and refused to work because of all sorts of aches and pains. And for that, I just have to say: FUCK YOU, HEATHER AND MARIE. Incidently, I have to work with them both tomorrow. Marie may get fired, and quite frankly, nothing would give me greater pleasure. She's just a whiny bible-thumper who would have been the ideal woman in 1950. Whining seems to be the Kmart way and I am really fucking sick of it. SO SHUT THE HELL UP, STUPID CUNTS.

As my final thought, in case anyone was wondering, my birthday is in exactly 10 days-- on the 24th. I'm not getting a big party or anything special like that, so if you happen to be reading this and you wanna be really pussy, you could email me and congratulate me on making it through 18 years without completely losing my mind. Just a suggestion . . .

"guzzle 'til the buzzing stops"

-ani d. from icarus

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