a) I know how to cook.

b) If I didn't want to cook, there's always ramen.

c) I excel in ordering fast food.

and last, but not least . . .

d) Humans can survive for something like forty days without food. I wouldn't die.

They also left me twenty bucks for . . . I don't really know what it's for but I do know that I have to go pick up a cd that I ordered and that I need to dye my hair, so that's probably where it's going.

This is going to be a nice break from madness. Last night was pretty bad. Erica yelled 'cabbage' (which is here code word for dysfuntion) about thirty times during dinner. And it didn't help that I was operating on three hours of sleep after eight and a half hours of work and then I was drinking. Whatever. By eight, all functioning had ceased and I ended up in bed. Hence the reason I am awake without obligation at this rather unusual morning hour.

Last night I told Erica that she was going to od on cabbage this weekend, and my father thought that I said that I was going to od on cabbage, so now he's convinced that when we say cabbage, we mean weed. I swear to god . . .

Speaking of god, I found out today that the 700 Club is on in the morning, so I watched a little of it because I have a sort of twisted obsession with Pat Robertson. His moment of the day was telling a woman that her father had created his own lymphoma by keeping his emotions "bottled up." That's what you get for not having a happy heart, and naturally the only way to have a happy heart is through our lord and savior, the big Heysoos. Then they gave me all their tips on finding god and having a relationship with the father. You know, God can handle my questions. And then they offered to send me their brochures on my "new growth in Jesus." I heard "new growth" and thought tumor. Kind of fitting, isn't it? All right. No more jeezus.

Shhhhh. Listen. Hear that? That's right. You can't hear anything. That's because there's nothing going on here. Nice, isn't it?

The only down side to being left alone is that instead of only having to remember the everyday things like "Anna, don't forget to brush your teeth" or "Anna, make sure you have pants to wear to work," now I have to remember things like "Anna, don't forget to feed the 5,000 pets" and "Anna, don't forget to put the trash out on Thursday night." I probably forget something. That's overload. If not the garbage, than it will be my pants, and that wouldn't be good.

Before I started writing this, I went to the bathroom and found the Edgar Allen Poe cat in the bathtub, licking the drain. Did you think I was kidding when I said he was fucked up?

last - next