I've decided that if Bridget doesn't find out before the end of the semester, I'm going to send her a lengthy email once I'm in Madison confessing my two-year obsession. Because once we're in different states, what do I have to lose?

I'm sitting here drinking tea and eating the Aldi's version of easy mac which is both disgusting and fascinating. Part of me wants to throw up and the other part just keeps eating it. It's so gross.

I love that Brett has become a group obsession. He's been mentioned not only in my diary but in Ruby's and Karl's as well. Even Bridget was excited when she found out that she knew who he was. But you can't touch him, Karl. No. He's too precious and he's mine. I will approve all potential partners for Brett. He doesn't know that I plan to assume this role in his life. I'll tell him when he comes out to me. And I had better be the first person he comes out to seeing as how he's subconciously chosen me as his queer mentor and whatnot.

Another bite of Aldi's easy mac . . . tastes even more disgusting as it gets cold.

Apparently Cedar needed a break from me. Whatever. You know, all I do is work at Kmart and complain. I'm not that intense.

The longer I work at Kmart, the more I learn about the person that I don't want to be. Like Michael. I would sooner die than end up like Michael. Over thirty, balding, creepy, poor hygeine, little smelly sometimes. Goes to tech school part time and tries to get enough hours to pay rent on the single room that he lives in. His hourly wage is less than mine. Continues to work at the Big K so that he can objectify the young college girls who shop there. His big thing now is that he actually has a girlfriend. Michael met his woman via a penpal program for prison inmates. She's been in for seven years or so already and should be getting out sometime next year. He won't tell me what she did and that really irritates the shit out of me. But he did confess that he is a bit jealous of her ex-prison girlfriend even though his woman is no longer with the girlfriend becase the girlfriend was released last year. If I reach a similar point in my life, just fucking kill me. Jesus christ.

The other day, I saw the guy that I dated (for all of ten days) when I was fifteen. It was such a horrid experience because he was one of those guys who wanted to shove his tongue down your throat every chance he got and I didn't really know what to do with that (think the beginning of But I'm a Cheerleader. It was a lot like that.) And all that I really remember was getting pissed off because he would call me two or three times a night and that whenever I was around him I literally felt like I was going to vomit. Then when he came over to my house and tried to stick his hand down my pants and told me I was "turning him on," that was it.

Thank you. You've confirmed our suspicions. We appreciate your time. You're free to go now.

He's so gross. Fat, trashy, got a mullet. What the hell was I thinking? Oh yeah, that's right. I was fifteen. I wasn't thinking.

I think Brett is going shopping with me tomorrow . . ..

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