I gave Bridget the note today and I think things are going to be okay. (If not okay, they're going to be absolutely horrible and I'll spend a considerable amount of time wishing I was dead but I didn't point that out to her because I didn't want to put any pressure on her.) And by okay, I mean that she's not going to stop talking to me and be really weird about everything and whatever the fuck. Maybe okay means that everything is going to be status quo . . . which isn't really okay with me.

I keep telling her that I don't expect anything from her but that's nice Anna talk for "I'm on my knees in front of you waiting for you to tear my heart out of my chest." I'm not sure she gets it. And if you looked really closely at the note that I wrote her, all of the words begin to blur into something that looks like:

love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me

It's kind of weird because I'm beginning to feel like Saturday didn't happen but at the same time I want Saturday to happen again and again. I feel like such a drama queen. Goddamnit. I've been reduced to melodrama. Fuck. Anyway. My "plan" with this whole thing is to continue to kind of trail behind her being supportive with my "it's okay" and "I'm not pissed" and "I understand" and hope like hell that she comes around and . . . well . . . loves me.

Watch as Anna busily prepares herself for emotional devastation.

On a non-Bridget related note (topics which one is hard-pressed to dig up from the depths of Anna's brain these days) Cedar emailed me AGAIN apologizing for "ditching me" except this time I think she was actually taking responsibility for the whole thing. I don't know. Once again, I didn't really understand and I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to respond.

Why won't she just drop it and leave me alone? I don't miss her. I do realize that I probably provoked the whole thing when I wrote about being pissed at her in one of my entries but I wasn't pissed at her for not hanging out with us anymore. I was pissed at her for two-- and only two-- little things: for not even acknowledging me in the hall and for last line of her last entry which said "FUCK YOU ALL :)."

Have I ever mentioned how much I absolutely loathe punctuation faces? Horrible, horrible, horrible. And there had to have been about twenty of the little fuckers in the god forsaken email that she sent me. And then she ended the thing by saying that she was really happy about everything that was going on with Bridget and I. And reading that in the middle of my she'll-never-love-me turmoil really just made me want to beat her ass.

I can't get the one girl to love me and I can't get the other girl to leave me the hell alone.

I need chocolate.

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