That's the vulgar phrase of the month, kids . . . suck my dick.

Anyway. I kind of wigged out for a couple of days but I'm back and thinking clear again and missing my dland time.

So the quick version of my thing on Saturday with Bridget goes something like this:

She answered the door looking totally hot and knew she had dressed up for me. Then we tried to make conversation and pick out a movie. Awkward, but we both admitted it and made a decision. Watched the movie and then started watching Cosby reruns (which apparently we both love) After about hour two or so of the Cosby's, Bridget asked me if I liked her at which point I could have died. But then she told me that although she still considers herself straight, she's been attracted to me since we were lab partners in chemistry last year. And then she moved to sit next to me and we kind of cuddled and talked about how she was confused until her mother yelled down the stais, Bridget freaked a little and I took that as my cue to leave.

Move to Monday. I feel like crap. I'm exhausted, I can't eat, I can't think. I spend the entire day thinking about what I'm going to say when I see her. I finally get to talk to her after school at which point she gives me a note that she prefaces by saying that she wrote it that day before and she's not sure how she feels and that I shouldn't take it too seriously. I read that note at the gas station at 10:30 that night while I'm pumping my gas and hiphop music is playing from the overhead speakers and I start to cry. I have no idea what the hell I'm feeling and I can't write her a reply.

Today- still feeling like shit. Spent my time during my morning classes drafting multiple versions of the response note but I don't know what the hell to say. Sit through lunch feeling like I want to die (I apologize for those who had to sit there and put up with me). She never comes over. Makes me want to die even more.

I spend eighth hour writing her another note because I finally figured out what I wanted to say and then after school I can't find her anywhere so that I can give it to her. Saw her truck in the parking lot and thought about putting it inside but decided that was a little too psycho.

Went to work, and at some point began to think clearly again. Some sort of Kmart catharsis. aahhhhhhhhh.

Came home and re-wrote the note on pink paper while I was only in my underwear (so it has that I'm half-dressed feel to it) and I basically surrendered myself to her will. I am at her mercy.

I was kind of feeling pissed off at her this afternoon but the more that I thought about it, I decided that being angry was kind of a defense mechanism to shield myself from the thought of being really vulnerable.

So I'm going to give her the note tomorrow and either we'll both feel relieved or she'll tell me that she wants me to leave her alone at which point she will become the first girl to have ever broken Anna's heart.

Beg the goddesses to act in my favor just this once.

last - next