One of my favorite in the world is my younger sister, Erica, who is not quite 15. We're actually step-sisters, but we don't really care about any of that technical American family label crap. What matters is, we're soul mates. And earlier today we discussed matching tattoos and sharing an apartment later in our lives.

Erica is a bit of a hypochondriac and, despite the fact that she missed three days of school last week, she opted to stay home from school again today. I was under the assumption that she had spent her day alone on the couch watching MTV because that's all that she ever really does. Apparently her day was filled with more exciting things. These are things that I didn't really want to know about.

I came upstairs to the computer to revel in my dland time and check my email and when I went to click the dland address on the pull down whatever the hell it is history thing (I know nothing about computers) what I found was a history full of PORN.

NO! WHY? SHE'S JUST A BABY!

But there it was. An undeniable list of nasty porno sites. Lesbian porn, gay porn, orgies, fat porn, veggie porn. Oh yes. Even veggie porn.

And I realize that she's almost 15 and exploring and all of the stuff that she's supposed to do. But damnit, Erica! Clean up after yourself.

Being the understanding, keep-it-cool sort of older sister that I am, I just spent half an hour visiting every innocent website that I could think of so that the next person who uses the computer (probably my father) will not find out about the baby's porn trysts. And I WILL NOT say anything to her about it because I don't want to embarrass her. And anyone who reads this (I'm being general but really I'm speaking directly to Kim) had better not say anything to her either or I will totally kick your ass. I will fight to the death for her, even if she is a porn monger.

Part of the trauma in it for me is that I think that porn is really, really horrible. It's not a moral thing or a discomfort with sexuality. I just think it's nasty and unappealing. Of course I had to do something much like Erica did in order to come to that conclusion, but I covered for myself.

I just hope that she comes to a similar conclusion, or at the very least, doesn't become a creepy porn addict. That will kill all chances of our co-habitation as adults.

In slightly related topics, I was told this weekend that I could not have my tongue pierced because it was too short. A bit of a blow for the lesbian. Upon hearing about this, Bridget said, "I'm sure length doesn't matter. It's about how you use it."

What happened to the nice, pristine image of the girl that I had? She's not supposed to say things like that. It's a bit disturbing. It made me feel like a preverted old man seducing the innocent barley legal. I think she's getting over the awkwardness of the whole thing and is no longer afraid of me. I'm not sure what the hell she was afraid of me for before, but whatever. We had matching shoes again today and she sat next to me at lunch. All signs point to comfortable again.

And that just means that school needs to end and she needs to leave town . . .

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