(That's my preface for what follows.)

I came home from school today and went downstairs to throw my stuff into the abyss that is my room and found the three year old lying on the couch in her underwear watching tv in the dark. Remind you of a forty year old man? That's kind of what I thought about.

Me: Hey, Gracie.

The three year old: [sigh] Hey, Anna.

Me: How was your day?

The three year old: [sigh] Okay.

(It's rough being three)

Me: What are you doing?

The three year old: Watching tv. Come sit with me.

(It was more like 'wis meeee' but I'll forgo trying to write in the genuine toddler dialect.)

So never one to pass up cuddle time with the babies, I sat on the couch and watched Yu-Gi-Oh. Too intense for me. The story line: Yu-Gi's grandpa was a great dueler (dueling in apparently the 'cool' name for the game that the dorky d&d kids play with their anime trading cards) and has just been released from the hospital because . . . I don't know why. I missed that part. But the condition is irrelevant. Anyhow. On their way home from the hospital, they run into this snot-nosed American girl, Rebecca, who claims that Grandpa stole her Blue Ice Fire Dragon (or some such ridiculous bullshit) card and challenges him to a duel in order to get it back. At this point, the vital background information is revealed. The Blue Ice Fire Dragon card was one of four in the world (hence, it's value to the whiny Amerikid) and, although I don't know why it was in Grandpa's possession, it has been destroyed by some evil nemissis of Yu-Gi. Rebecca is the top dueler in America and Yu-Gi is the top dueler in Japan. That said, Yu-Gi steps in to take Grandpa's place because, having just been released frolm the hospital, he is obviously in no condition to be playing cards. So they start their game and Rebecca is acting like a dumb Amerikid and Yu-Gi gets cocky because she's making all the wrong anime card moves (like, duh!) and the whole time, Grandpa is thinking that he's seen someone in his time who used to play just like this girl. Rebecca drops the dumb act and starts really kicking Yu-Gi's ass, somehow creating a nearly impenetrable defense for herself. (You can feel the tension mounting as I build up my riveting narrative, can't you?) And then Grandpa remembers that while on an archealogical dig in Egypt in his younger years, he had been beaten by an American scientist with the same strategy. Lo and behold, the American scientist is Rebecca's grandfather. [Gasp!] And then, just as my interest peaked, the "to be continued" flashed across the screen. Will Yu-Gi win or will he be beaten by the Amerikid?

I relay this for two reasons:

1) I'm feeling a bit traumatized by the whole experience. Cartoons are supposed to be mindless. Not make my head hurt.

2) If any of you loser actually watch Yu-Gi-Oh and happen to know who wins, let me know because I am semi-interested. However, not interested enough to check back tomorrow to see what happens.

And now it's time for the family dinner where I will spend forty minutes around the kitchen table with those closest to me while we partake of fish sticks and quietly hate one another.

Just fucking great.

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