Life is better without high school drama and, if anything, the whole Bridget situation has taught me to avoid it like a rabid dog. I used to tell myself that drama made my life interesting, but that was bullshit. Drama makes my life suck and I don't want any of it. The only problem is that I create much of that drama by myself, so I'm going to have to learn not to.

On the subject of undesirable drama, I had another fight with my dad. I don't even know what the fuck it was about or what was said, just that it was really bad. So I ended up in bed crying (this was after a bout of muted screaming and throwing pillows/towels/dirty clothes around) and feeling really shitty about the whole thing because I don't want to have problems with my dad for the rest of my life. And I was also really pissed off because I felt like my dad was just being trite in the things that he was saying to me and I wanted him to stop attacking me and just be my dad again. And about that time, he came into my room and told me that he loved me and that he didn't want us to fall apart. And then he hugged me while I cried and I felt like he was my dad again and not just some sad, broken man roaming around my house. So then he sat for about twenty minutes on the dirty clothes in my chair and we talked about computers and my bird and my car and the tv we've been watching. So it's good now. Dad drama over.

But I am not yet done dealing with the car drama. Tomorrow the mechanic will be consulted and hopefully we will know by Wednesday at the latest whether or not my car is on it's deathbed or just in need of some tlc. My dad kept trying to explain to me what he thought was wrong with her (the car, that is) but I don't know a goddamn thing about cars and techincal mechanic crap does not make sense to me. All I want to know is: Will it run? Because I'm not sure what I'm going to do if I have to buy another goddamn car. I don't want another car, I want the one that I have right now. See, I can't deal with problems like this. I can handle too many hours at work, I can handle huge projects, I can handle sick children. Hell, I've even proven that I can handle having to replan my future (at least for the next four years). But I cannot deal with large broken pieces of machinery. Particularly machinery that plays a vital role in my everyday life. I don't really care what is wrong with it or what exactly has to be replaced. Just fix the fucker.

Once again, self-imposed drama. I don't have to make this car thing such a huge deal because I have the money to pay to have it fixed, or, if need be, to buy a new car. But I'm still making it a big deal.

It's ridiculous.

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