I spent the entire day playing the Sims and then spent the evening with Erica. We ate an entire pizza by ourselves while watching the MTV special about fat camp. Oh yes. We are sexy girls.

I feel very fat and gross and unattractive right now, which just means that I am very close to bleeding. But, menstrual cycle aside, I also feel obligated to lose weight. And this feeling of obligation really bothers me because I don't really want to lose weight and for three weeks out of the month I feel pretty good about myself. But I feel like I owe it to the world to make some effort towards being attractive. And my American brain links attractive with thin.

I really do think that I'd feel better all around if I got off of my ass some of the time. But when I think of exercising, or even eating less so that I don't feel like shit, I can't separate it from weight loss. And I'm not even fat. But my entire brain has been so twisted . . .

And Erica's brain has been twisted too, so we've decided to exercise together over the summer and whatnot. I think I'll go ahead and be shallow and try to lose a little weight instead of trying to train myself to think against the American grain.

Yes, I am disgusted with myself right now.

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