That's the only comment that I really have to make on my day.

Yesterday night while I was contemplating whether I would spend my Friday in solitude or risk rejection and look for someone to hang out with, my ghost of high school drama past, Cedar, called. I'm not sure why she called or what the hell it was that we talked about for over an hour. She suggested we hang out and complained about having her wisdom teeth taken out, then called me conceited and proceeded to talk about her new friends and their summer plans. Meanwhile, I was listening, adding the occaisonal "yeah" or "really?" and flipping through a magazine. I meant to tell her to pick up the new Bitch and Animal cd because I had just got it in the mail that afternoon, but I forgot.

The whole conversation just made me wonder why the hell she hung out with me for so long. I am not spontaneous. I am not optimistic. I am not active. I don't take part in organized protests. I am not ambitious. I am not social. In short, I don't possess any of the qualities that she seems to value in others. On the flip side, she doesn't really possess any of the qualities that I value in others. So I guess we're even.

Our devotion to one another was more so a case of "I'm a newly out lesbian, you're a newly out lesbian. I think that makes us friends."

I'm feeling rather lesbian starved. Because, as stupid as it may sound, there is a unique energy exerted by lesbians, and I'm not getting any of it. It's kind of like not getting enough sunlight and finding yourself lacking vitamin D. I was helping a woman at work tonight and she was making my gaydar go haywire and I suddenly got rather excited. And it wasn't because I thought she was attractive (because I didn't) but simply because there was one of my own standing directly in front of me. Holy shit! There are queer women left in this town!

Anna needs lesbian friends.

Or maybe Anna just needs to get out of the fucking house.

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