To fill in those of you who are not Megan, we are going to see the White Stripes in August. Yes, you should be jealous.

I'm feeling kind of pissy right now because my territory has been invaded. One of Erica's friends is staying with us because her only gaurdian was thrown in jail after multiple DUI's and our fine police department was content to leave this fifteen year old kid to her own devices. You have to understand that my family exists in its own isolated sphere. And when we do allow others into our space, they come in small groups for short periods of time. To stay for a few nights is a priviledge that very few are allowed. And not only is this girl in my space, but she is having a very negative influence on my sister. Erica is being a shit and irritating me to no end. And it's because she's trying to be like Nicole because she thinks Nicole is really cool, but Nicole is a little punk. My mother insists that she is going home tomorrow afternoon and not coming back (mom is not very impressed with the friend either) but Dad is approaching it from his perspective as a therapist and wants to help. So I'm not sure when my house will be mine again.

Right now she's in the kitchen complaining (loudly, I might add, while the babies are sleeping down the hall) because we don't have any carbonated sugar water to satiate her. "You don't you people ever drink anything?" Yes, Nicole. We drink a lot. We have freshly ground coffee every morning, milk with our meals, champagne for celebrations, and when you need to relax, we have a variety of herbal teas to choose from. If none of those suit you, we also have a tricky little thing called a faucet which draws water from a low-nitrate well and promises all the unchlorinated goodness of the country.

Her unbearable presence is chipping away at all of my sympathy for her situation.

I'm also a little tired because I didn't get home from Bridget's until 1:30. This, mind you, was after the three worthless hours of sleep that I got Sunday night. We went to Belt's (that's where you get ice cream, for all of you outside the Stevens Point area.) We were supposed to have gone to Hibachi Joe's for dinner which would have been a lot hotter, but her mom had surgery today and is going to be in the hospital all week, so they had a nice little family dinner last night. So fucking wholesome of them. So we ate our ice cream and spent a lot of the time scoffing at Cedar and talking about our mutual fear of motorcycles. And then we went to her house and watched "Almost Famous" because we both love that movie. I fell asleep on her couch for a little bit in the middle of the movie, at which point she was supposed to cuddle up around me, but I think the intense lighting was scattering my telepathic waves and she missed her cue. And then after the movie we talked for about three hours about the elusive "it," the it being our attraction to each other. So we analysed ourselves to death and came to the conclusion that while we still like each other, nothing is going to happen.

A month ago, I would have really been upset about this, but I think that this is a good thing. Because she is cute as hell, but she was not meant to be my other. We'll just leave it at untainted adoration.

I just kind of wish that she would touch me a little more. She keeps a very safe distance and then every once in awhile she'll grab my hand or something and then she'll quickly back off. I think she's afraid of me. Do I emit "don't touch me" vibes? I think I do. And this is not a good thing because I am actually a very touchy person who likes to sit close and cuddle and be hugged, provided that I feel comfortable with said person.

(On a hug-related note, thank you to barelybella for the hug she left me in my notes.)

Her lack of contact is somewhat redeemed by the fact that she keeps telling me that I am mysterious and intriguing. It's so corny . . . and kind of hot. Because secretly I want to be seen as the mysterious vixen taking long drags of her cigarette while stalking her prey from the shadowed corner of the room.

Sometimes I think I use Bridget to try and build my self-esteem. And sometimes I think that I think that because I believe I am a bad person.

Oh fuck. I'm tired of thinking. It's time to curl up under the sheets.

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