Last night with the ladies was fun. Ruby and Bridget and I ate dinner and then rented a movie. Megan came over and we all took a minute to discuss my many pets and their poor standing within the family. Then we talked through most of the movie (Frida) because it was horrible. The movie ended and Megan and Ruby ended up playing with my sisters' Barbies while Bridget and I sat on my couch together and watched the Cosby's. (Nick at Night has become a staple in our non-relationship.) Then Ruby and Megan put the Barbies that they dressed up on Erica's bed and wrote her a lovely haiku. Bridget went home early in compliance with her overprotective mother's curfew (yes, she is eighteen and leaving for school in two months) and after that, Megan and Ruby and I sat around watching VH1 and eating junk food. And the whole night made me think: After 18 years, I finally found friends who I genuinely love and who don't annoy the hell out of me. Way to go, Anna.

But I think that if we were in a real relationship, Bridget and I would be fighting right now. Because she's acting weird and I realize that it's because she's having a hard time right now but I don't know what to do with her and I'm very frustrated with the whole thing. She sent me another one of her psycho ranting emails that talked a lot about her wanting to die and feeling like her entire life is worthless. And then she went so far as to say that I am her savior and that she knows now that everything she feels is totally real but that she doesn't want to act on it because she's afraid people will lose respect for her. Instead of the overwhelming sympathy that I felt for her after the last sad rant, now I just want to grab her by the shoulders and shake her and scream "let it go" until she starts crying, and then I'd hold her and it would be better.

But I think she's just going to continue on her path of self-pity while I continue to offer some sort of support and then I will either snap and completely alienate her or she will come around and decided to love me. And if she decides to love me, it will be a decision that she makes mid-August, two weeks before she leaves the fucking state. None of this is fair.

Erica has decided she wants to be a dominatrix. I love my sister. We have vowed to get matching tattoos in three years when she's finally legal. She is the ONLY person that I would ever get a matching tattoo with. We're going shopping tomorrow for swim suits. It's nice to have such unconditional sisterly support in times of dressing room trauma.

I'm going to reply to Bridget's email now and yell at her as best I can using a keyboard. Then I will delete the entire thing and send her a page of some pissy I'm-here-for-you bullshit that will only leave me feeling further frustrated.

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