We didn't do much talking. She didn't bother to try and excuse or explain her inaction. I didn't bother to play the supportive, understanding role. We just sat. And she kept leaning closer and closer and I just kept thinking about that place in the center of my chest that's about the size of a dime and aches insatiably when I'm feeling unloved. I waited for her to say what I wanted her to until I knew she had to leave in half an hour and then in some sort of desperation, I dropped my cool, confident bullshit act. I told her I didn't want her to leave and I told her it was getting really hard to just sit around and I told her that I wanted her to love me. I think I did everything but plead. (Or maybe that was pleading?) And she said she wants that too. But's she's scared. And when I thought that I might not be able to help myself from crying in front of her, she grabbed my hand and pulled me closer and set the stage for another round of heartbreak for Anna. She told me she was afraid. She told me it felt surreal. I didn't say anything. And the only thing I could think about was how much I wanted to curl up and fall asleep on her shoulder, taking in the scent of her lotion and the warmth of her skin.

I hugged her before she left and I could feel her heart pounding in her chest. But I am perfectly calm.

I am crying and wondering how long I'll have to wait before she says she made a mistake, but I am perfectly calm.

last - next