just fucking charming

2003-07-01
10:13 p.m.

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Last 5 entries:
Sleep was ultimately more important - 2005-12-22
This shit is burnt - 2005-12-21
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I am tired and bored. Each of these things on their own, I can handle. But when combined in a situation that offers little distraction, they slowly whittle away at the core of my being. Luckily, there are only two months left to summer and then I will be back to the stressful, crazy, non-stop rhythm of my life that I thrive on. I've never been good at this summer vacation thing. After two or three weeks of down-time, I am not only excited, but near the point of begging to go back to school. Call me a nerd if you must, but I love school. And this summer I am doubly excited because I'm done with that high school bullshit and I get to move on to college. The part that I am most excited about: library time. Last year, my favorite part of the day was spending eighth hour in the library just reading. And this semester, I'm going to have a three hour window in the late morning between classes three days during the week when I plan to do nothing but sit in the goddamn library. I'm the library girl who picks a sacred spot that holds some kind of crazy significance and assumes that position religiously on a schedule that is totally predictable and who's look alone keeps people from approaching. But this is good, because she doesn't want to chat. She just wants to sit and read and obsessively organize her notes. If I wanted to talk to people, I'd join a fucking club or something.

I had my little student orientation yesterday and today. It was a certain degree of horrible. Events such as these mortify me and my mother couldn't understand why I was so horrified because she thought that I was supposed to be really excited. But there I was, dorky orientation folder in hand, trying to cover up my little stick-on name tag, being herded around with a group of giggling idiots, 75% of whom looked like they were about 13. How could I not find this a tid bit humiliating. And I kept running into people that I work with or have worked with and they always have to comment about how surprised they are to see me because they thought I was older. I've been unveiled. Shit.

It had two good points. One: It was something to make me feel good about myself. I needed a 4 to test out of math and got a 9. I placed into the highest Spanish class and the higher English class. The other kids that were in my group when we met with the advisor did not do as well. Therefore, I had that alpha-female/I-can-kick-your-ass feeling for about an hour. I needed that. And two: It got me excited about making a sort of educational plan for myself and setting goals and all of that good shit. It was a little motivation. I'm excited about something again.

I was supposed to hang out with Ben tonight, but I gave him the "maybe some other night" rap. I needed some alone time after spending two days with my parents.

Tomorrow is another night of Bridget and I have a feeling that it may turn out to be particularly interesting. It'll be interesting and worth dedicating an entry to, or it will be another 4 hour discussion about . . . I don't know. I don't know what the hell it is that she talks about.

Yeah, it will probably just be talking.

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