I'm still not sure how I feel about this.

But I kissed her belly and told her I loved her too because it seemed like an appropriate response. (The mutual I love you much more so than the belly kissing. I just really like girl bellies.) It may not have been wise to commit myself to that. We'll see.

It's not that I know I don't love her, in fact I'm pretty sure that I do, I'm just a little unsure about this whole love thing. It promises nothing but emotional wreckage and stupidity and chaos. It's dangerous and messy. So cynical, and I haven't even been in any sort of real relationship before. (Although I suppose an exchange of I love you's legitimizes this "thing" of ours as a relationship.) And of course my pessimisstic attitude concerning love and relationships is only compounded by the fact that she is leaving in THREE fucking weeks which means that everything that I want from her, I'm not going to get. It's bullshit. It's not fair. I'm already feeling like I'm being left behind and I hate that wounded feeling, that weakness.

I need to offer myself some sort of distraction from thinking about my inevitable heartbreak.

I think I'm going to eat some chocolate ice cream right out of the fucking container and consider whether an I love you means that I can safely refer to her as my girlfriend.

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