Bridget cut her hair for the first time since she confessed that she liked me which was about five months ago. And she looks so damn cute that it really makes me want to lock her up and keep her to myself. [sighs whimsically] She's the best. It's funny because seeing her with her hair cut again made me realize that this is the girl that I pined over for a year and a half. This is the girl that I dedicated all of my high school crush energy to. And now here she is telling me that she loves me. It's so wierd to think about.

Tomorrow is our last night together before she leaves so I'm really just kind of feeling pissy and I don't want to associate with anyone. (One of the things that I've recently learned about myself is that anger is subconscience wall that I put up to hide the fact that I'm really just hurt.) She told me that she had another present for me and I already know what it's going to be: a picture of us. And that's so fucking corny but it makes me want to hold onto her and refuse to let go.

I think that more than anything I'm afraid for her to go. I'm afraid that she's going to forget what I look like and the way that I talk and the things that I say. I'm afraid she's going to forget all of the reasons why she loves me. I'm afraid that the part in her mind that I consume is just going to dwindle and shrink away until I'm just a mental home movie. And I'm afraid to tell her that I'm afraid.

And if she goes to school and she absolutely loves it, I'll be devastated. Because I've got every part of my heart clinging to the thought that maybe she'll come home.

I hate this shit. (See-- anger. Read: heartbroken Anna.)

last - next