|
No one need point out to me that 95% of everything that shows up on this diary is related to Bridget. What those of you who don't know me also don't know is that 95% of what comes out of my mouth is about Bridget. And what no one else but myself really knows is that this is because she is all that I think about and therefore the only thing that I really want to talk about. Every dream that I've had lately has had her in it even if it doesn't have anything to do with her. I sleep, eat, dream, breathe Bridget. I never thought that it was possible to be this hungry for another person. Everything is so good right now except for that huge hole where she's supposed to be and it's an emptiness that just throbs, and everything that I come into contact makes me think of her and the throbbing intensifies. I just want to have her close again and to know that she's not going anywhere. I want to think about everything that we could do together without having to prefix those thoughts with "If she comes home . . ." And to be honest, the "If she has come home . . ." has been replaced in my mind with "When she comes home . . ." which means that I'm building myself up for something huge with a forever-like quality attached to it and if it doesn't fall into place like I've let myself plan, I'll be devastated. And I honestly don't think that devastated is an exaggeration. I've let myself become devoted to her. She's all I want. My relationship with Bridget is the first thing in who-knows-how-long that has just fallen into place. It's the first situation that I've been in where I've been allowed to be happy without having to try to wade through a pool of shit first. And I feel like my luck is going to run short, she'll be happy without me and I'll be devastated. The part that really kicks my ass is that she's only been gone for a week and a half. And it will be a month before I see her again. It already seems like it's been forever. The past three years of my life flew by me (thank God, because they were less than stellar) and now that I'm in love and going crazy because of it, everything has been kicked into slow motion and now the days are long and the weeks are long and thirty days seem like they'll come about as fast as my next birthday. I'm obviously feeling a little heartbroken right now.
last - next |