Actually, only about 1/3 of the description actually fits me and the part that does fit could describe persons of any sexual orientation. But in that moment that I was reading it, I felt that it was proof that, yes indeed, I am a real lesbian.

That's the problem with living in these small midwestern towns that are extremely culture-deprived. People, simply because of lack of exposure and general ignorance, have ridiculous notions of what being gay means and is and it's so frustrating because queer kids get sucked into all of it. And they act like being gay is their defining characteristic and they march around provoking the wrath of stupidity and waving around more gay pride than the fucking San Fransisco parade. And it would be one thing if all of the rainbow-waving had direction and purpose but they're rainbow-waving for the sake of rainbow-waving. It's like they're doing it because they feel it's the role they're supposed to fill as gay students. What's the point? Maybe there's something I'm missing. I have a hard time even trying to talk to other queer students because then all they want to talk about are all things gay with which I get very bored very quickly. Because in all their talking, nobody is discussing anything important. It's more of I'm-gay-you-re-gay-that's-an-obvious-bond-let's-discuss conversation. And this is why I wouldn't go to GSA meetings because they all seem to be getting together for the sake of fulfilling their 'gay' roles. I think it's stupid.

Maybe it's not a geographic thing at all. Maybe it's an age thing. A sort of phase that all gay children must struggle through before realizing that there is no single role that the queer individual must assume. I think I went through that phase, and luckily for me, it was short.

Or maybe my whole problem with the gay thing is that I don't identify myself in my own mind as being a lesbian. I am Anna and I like girls. I also like boys. But only girls (with rare exception) turn me on and while I would probably consider having sex with certain boys, I could only be in a relationship with a woman. And that's just the way it is. It's the way it always has been. Done and done. No need to label anything. It's just me.

Shit. I'm too tired to think about this.

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