Between talking to Bridget (who feels right now like her entire life is caving in on her and is freaking out in her own mellow way about it all) and having a Perkins night with Megan, I spent a large part of the evening discussing careers and other such daunting apects of the future. And I think it's pretty fucking ridiculous to expect anyone to choose one career to commit themselves to. Because that's not something that I've ever been able to do. If you feel like you can only make one choice, you're never going to feel like it's the right choice and then you're just going to have anxiety problems. Even when I was a little kid, there was never just one thing that I wanted to do. I wanted to be a fucking ballerina and an astronaut and a teacher and a singer and a doctor all at the same time. And that's still the way I want my life to go. I want to work in publishing and I want to write and I want to continue my education until I can be a professor and I want my own company and I want to design sweaters and sell them over the internet and do all 5000 of the other stupid things that I think would be fun. All at the same goddamn time. So now whenever anyone asks me what the hell I'm going to do I'm just going to shrug my shoulders and be content with uncertainty.

I had a dream last night that Bridget was in a band that went on tour with Sonic Youth and she had an affair on me with Kim Gordon. And I thought that was a strange dream simply because I'm not a Sonic Youth fan and I've never really listened to them before so I thought it odd that they'd be part of one of my dreams. Whatever.

I've also realized that my sexual impulses (I'm not sure that's an appropriate term for what I'm talking about, but whatever) refuse to be colonized. On Thursday when Kyle came into work with a huge band-aid on his chin and told me he fell and hit the bathroom sink, my mental reaction was "[orgasmic moan] That's so fucking hot." Which was the same reaction I had on Friday morning when I opened a letter from Bridget and found a picture of the two of us that she had painted that looked like the work of a four year old. But it was so dorky that it was totally hot and had she been there, I think I would have broken down my prudish walls and just gone down on her. And on Saturday when I saw Kris' new haircut, I had much difficulty suppressing the urge to throw myself at him. Very hot.

I hope you like the cd I gave you, Megan. I'm listening to it right now. My favorite song is "The Teeth Collector." Pretty Girls Make Graves, kids. It's a great fucking band.

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