Driving home tonight, listening to watered-down Top 40 hiphop, I realized that I am now picking up (mentally) where I left off about this time last year. Because it was about this time last year when I was really on a role and kicking some major ass and then I had my brain abruptly sucked out of my head. And then I just wasted a year not caring about my own life and the things that were REALLY important to me. And it's not Bridget's fault. I don't hate her or anything, although in retrospect, I'm rather disappointed. It was a shallow relationship and her perception of me was shallow. And if I have more shallow relationships in the future, that's fine but I don't want to get caught up in assuming that they are anything otherwise again.

Actually, what I really want is to become some older woman's plaything. Just for a little while. She could tell me I'm fucking charming and then assert her dominance and get me to do whatever she wanted and then I'd just go home. And then I'd see her around town and there would be an excange of sly smiles and she would call me and the process would repeat.

I feel like this is the sort of life experience that would enhance my character. As far as I can tell, there is no real basis for that assumption. Whatever.

I'm obviously trying to channel a certain amount of sexual . . . I wouldn't call it frustration or repression . . . just seething, overwhelming sexual energy. My past tried and true methods seem to have met their match. Once again, whatever.

I've also rediscovered my love of The Moves. Does any other band even compare? Right now, I don't really think so.

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