I discussed this issue with Bridget while I was writing the erased entry after she asked me about my love life (which really puts us on 'friends' status, doesn't it?) and her motivational quote of the night was: "You are cool and if someone doesn't think so then fuck them . . . and if someone does think so, well you can fuck them too . . . but in another way." And, oh, if you knew Bridget it would add a whole new dimension to that snippet.

In other news, I checked my email at 9 and discovered that there has been a University Writers meeting at 8:30. What the hell? A little advanced notice would have been nice. But guided by my new desire to change, I will email the bastard who leads this group and find out how I can get on a mailing list or some shit so that I don't miss the next meeting. The news of the missed meeting was counteracted, however, by two other messages. One from my 201 professor saying that my 9:30 class for tomorrow is cancelled (which gives me time to study for that natural resources test that I haven't given a second thought to yet). And the other was from my practicum professor saying that I was one of three girls who got the "tutoring log of the week" award. That equates to a free candy bar or notebook. And I'm pretty damn proud of that. When I told Bridget about this, her reply was, "You're the coolest nerd I know." Yeah, that's what I was going for.

I think, in general, I just need to stop being so damn hard on myself, give myself even a tiny bit of credit and just allow myself to have fun every once in awhile. I need to fucking lighten up. However, I need to do this in a manner that retains my cynical, sarcastic, mysterious air. That, of course, is the core of my character. I don't want to become some vampant dime-a-dozen cubicle worker bee. Afterall, I'm the fucking queen.

On a final note, I'm seriously considering going to this 'gay' thing. And instead of having reservations about appearing desperate or contradicting certain criticisms I have made, my only worry about this possibility is "What would I wear?" Regardless of how dumbed-down that may make me appear (although I suppose to most rational people it would seem reasonable since I am both single and a lesbian). So Megan, I think you should go to this thing with me so we can gawk and prepare for Ani (and if I got hit on, I wouldn't complain) and we should bring Karl along for extra entertainment. Or scoff at me and tell me I'm stupid and maybe I won't go or maybe I'll be really dumb and ask Karl to go with me anyway.

I shouldn't be so conflicted about this shit.

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