just fucking charming

2004-09-22
11:52 p.m.

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Last 5 entries:
Sleep was ultimately more important - 2005-12-22
This shit is burnt - 2005-12-21
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So, on Monday I'm going to the fucking doctor. And what's bad about this particular trip to the doctor is not even my general loathing of doctors, clinics and hospitals. At this point, I'd be damn happy if that was my only reservation. Hell, I'd even settle for a gyno visit. Instead, I am going because I have a mark on my back that, as far as I'm concerned, seems to have 'cancerous' written all over it. Granted, even if it is cancerous, it's very likely that having it removed will be enough and I'll be fine. But being the person I am, I already have a plan of action devised should the fucker already have metastisized and I have to go through chemo. It's funny because for this goddamn health class that I'm taking, we have to interview our parents and ask them what 3 things will most likely be the cause of their death, which got me thinking about which 3 things I thought would most likely kill me, and melanoma was #3. On top of that, I was watching the news the other day and they did a piece about a new drug that is supposed to increase the effectiveness of chemotherapy in skin cancer patients. Once again, being the person that I am, I now see these two instances as nothing short of harbingers.

Regardless of whether I'm approaching death or not (I'm just kidding-- I'm worried, but not totally freaked out about this thing), the good news is that I've finally learned to pace myself so that I can comfortable run/jog/whatever-you-want-to-call-it a
MUCH longer distance, so that when I'm done, I actually feel proud of myself rather than feeling like I'm a scathing loser.

In other news, my two tutoring sessions today totally kicked ass and I realized that I am not the bumbling idiot that I prevoiusly believed myself to be. I realized that I actually have insightful, pertinent criticisms to offer about poetry and the effectiveness of ideas and diction and form. In fact, compared to how useless I thought I was going to be, I'd say I rock.

Back to the negatives: Zane has driven me to the brink of insanity and I really have no idea what the hell to do with him (other than refer to him as the spawn of satan and make idol threats on his life). They need to make a Dr. Phil type show for pet owners because I'm just like all of those stressed out moms who do all the wrong things with their kids, only my kid is very furry. I'm a horrible dog mommy and I need help.

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