Our burrito soiree went really well last night and I finally caught up on sleep, which is all nice. Sarah's National Hugging Day party is on Friday and she called me about it today. After this call, I realized that I will have gone to and hosted more parties over this semester break than I have in my entire life, or at least since junior high. So I think I can stop beating myself up about being an anti-social freak.

I'm not ready to go back to school. I don't really feel like I got a break because I was so fucking busy the whole time. And I know I'm going to be spanked with a shitload of work this semester, so I'm going to have to step it up, and I'm not feeling very motivated towards any kind of stepping right now. I just want to sleep and watch tv for a couple of days . . . or weeks. On the other hand, I think I really need to go back to school because despite everything that I've been doing lately, having fun with everyone, when I'm at home by myself, I'm filled with a sense of unwellness. I just get overwhelmed with the feeling that I am not a good person, so much so that I get a kind of sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and I always feel like I want to cry. And I just replay all of these stupid, minute things that I've said or done over and over and over again, because they just make me feel mean and evil. It fucking sucks, and its really weird because I get down on myself a lot, but never like this and never because I just feel like I am a morally horrible person. I don't know where the hell it came from. Regardless, I think I need some serious distraction.

On a lighter note, I got a new kitten, a gray tabby, that I named Lucy. Originally, I thought it was a boy and named it Lucifer, but upon closer examination by Megan and Ruby, it was decided that the kitten was indeed a girl, and so the name was quickly shortened to Lucy. She's adorable and Neko has finally warmed up to her so they're playing together all the time. It's so sweet.

Nikki left her cookbook here last night, so I went through it trying to decide what I would make if I was going to attempt to use my cooking as a means of seduction. I think I'd go with coconut shrimp, black beans and rice and a spinach salad with caramel-walnut upside down pie for dessert. Of course, with my luck, whoever it was that I was trying to seduce would hate seafood or fear anything other than meat and potatoes or something else horrible like that, and it would all be in vain. But at least now, should the occasion arrive, I have a menu planned.

I hope your car started eventually, Kyle. And I'm glad you've been hanging around with us lately because, for reasons I can't even pin down, I absolutely adore you.

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