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I had a totally humiliating breakdown during my meeting with my coop adviser on Monday. Way to go, Anna. I'm an ass. I don't even know what the fuck happened. We were just going over something that I had written, and I was overcome with this insatiable urge to cry which, despite my best efforts, I could not fight. And pretty soon, one teary eye became one blubbering mess of nonsensical emotion. All in all, it has now been suggested that I am perhaps depressed, which would account not only for my breakdowns, but my utter lack of motivation, my chronic irritibility, my inability to fall asleep at night and my constant desire to do nothing but lay in bed all of the time. And there are more symptoms that I exhibit, all which I never thought of as being anything but normal because I can't think of a time when I have not felt like this. And then it occured to me that I have an emotionally ruined father and a mother and a sister who have both been treated for depression, so maybe . . . But I am not so hot on thinking that there is something wrong with me, nor am I big on the thought of going to therapy or potentially being put on drugs. And I am also not convinced that there are people who are not depressed, which probably says a lot about me. At the same time, this person that I am is not who I want to be. I don't know what the fuck is going on.
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